Thursday, May 21, 2009

At the reeeed hoooouse

Weirdest commercial I've seen in a while.

And from the same folks, best drive through order I've seen. Love the ending.

Friday, May 8, 2009

Absolute Gold

Awkward Family Photos

Thank you, Jill. You're my hero.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

I suppose it was inevitable...

People much like myself who were picked on in middle school are taking to the streets as masked vigilantes. How can I assume this? Dude... listen to his voice.

... although Super Hero is a bit of a misnomer here. Watchmen did well to distinguish between a masked vigilante and a 'Super Hero'. When a dude shows up from another planet with otherworldly powers, or some poor bastard gets de-atomized and reassembles himself, wake me.

When one of these poor dudes shows up face down in a canal somewhere... let me sleep in a bit longer.

(Yes, I'm aware of the irony of my 'Joker' photo below. Eat me.)

This one's for you, Mike

In case you decide to move to Florida, you'll be ready:

Be Prepared... especially if you're eldery

What a Twat

Mow the Lawn... really?

I stole this from you, Inji. Thanks for the brilliance. And while we're at it, here are some old favorites:

Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Yes, I stole this from Blake.

Friday, April 24, 2009

Texts From Will

This wonderful website has compiled several hilarious text messages, most of which i'm pretty sure were sent to or from the notorious Will Sherrod.

Marketing Fail

Thank you, Fail Blog. And Bill.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Too Soon... for me, anyway

Anyone who knows me knows I was a hardcore Nirvana fan for most of college. I still love 'em, but I've broadened my horizons a little bit since. This hurt my soul... but I'm an awful person, so I'm posting it anyway.

I hate you, Bill.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


Thanks Tamara.


The Story Of Cooking Mama

Stole this from Mike. Thanks Mike.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


Yes, Maria, I stole this link from you on facebook. Props to you.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Gotta love Google

Glad I caught this before April Fool's Day was totally over on Gmail.

Something tells me my roommate Mike will be upset this wasn't real.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Ice that sucka

I can't condone anyone actually, ya know, stabbing anybody to death with one of these... but I am curious to know how this thing might work out.

What you've been missing

Squeeze Bacon

Thanks Tamara.

Yeaaah Becky... I got fuckin' snapples.

You're welcome, Tamara.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Theology at it's finest

Click on this. Read it. You're welcome.
(Admittedly, this is probably fake, but it's still awesome.)

Thanks Bill.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Everyday Heroes


Thanks Bill.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A New Nemesis?

So Nick SantaCroce of Gadwell Lane fame doesn't like Wall-E. I do. It's not my favorite Pixar movie, but it's fun to give Nick shit about it anyway. So we've been facebook-bitchslapping one another concerning this point... and this just seemed like a fun snippit.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

For my two Rat Girls...

Michelle and Jenna... this one's for you...

A Goodenough Post

So Michelle, Jermaine and I were out scouting cemeteries for 'Claire' all day, bouncing all over Ventura county from Ventura to Oxnard to Santa Paula. And in Santa Paula we pull in and the first thing we see is this family plot:

I'm not sure if the picture is Goodenough, but I think you get the idea.

My favorite moment might have been Jermaine's immediate, amused, flat out refusal to believe this was an actual family plot:
"What? No waaay! That's not reaaal." (Followed by a fit of laughter).

Of course, this family plot lead to several inappropriate jokes that we were not Goodenough to avoid.

Michelle: "Hey, what's that plot over there?"
Dan: "I dunno, I don't think it's Goodenough."

Michelle: "They were all born in the early 1900's"
Dan: "I wonder if there's anyone Goodenough left."

Jermaine: "What do you think of this location, Dan?"
Dan: "It's Goodenough, I guess."
Jermaine: "Okay Dan, time to stop."
Dan: "Okay, but when we scout the next location, let's keep an eye out for the 'Better' family plot."

This post may not be Goodenough, but hey, I tried.

Probably a good thing it wasn't the Wellenough family, because we know I couldn't have left that alone.

Update: I'm not alone on this:


Friday, March 13, 2009

Annnnd the parents drop the ball...

So I don't usually just post personal stories, but this one is just priceless. And I can't decide if I mean priceless in a good or a bad way.

My chocolate labrador Sara has been getting pretty up there in years and hasn't been feeling too well of late. My parents have been taking care of her since I left for college, but she's always been my dog and I've had her since 7th grade. She was a replacement for my doberman-rottweiler mix, Max, who was previously run down by a neighbor for no good reason at all. Not getting into that story this time around.

So I wake up this morning and realize I have a missed call from 5:38am. My parents are on the east coast, but they don't usually forget about the time change, so I was a big alarmed thinking Sara must in particularly bad shape and they had to put her down. I'm semi-prepared for this news because Mom had been telling me a few days prior that Sara wasn't doing so hot.

So I'm driving to work and call back (with my hands free device) and finally get my mom on the phone. And the call goes something like this:

"Hey Mom, I saw you called and just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

"I called? When?"

"At 5:30 this morning."

"Oh, that must have been by accident. I'm sorry, did I wake you?"

"No, the phone was on silent. No worries." (Sigh-o-relief) "I'm just glad it was an accident."

"Oh, why's that?"

"Ya know, I was afraid it was an emergency, maybe you had to put Sara down this morning or something."

"Oh, no honey, we did that yesterday."


Yeah. Apparently they both forgot to tell me or assumed the other one had called. This amused me for the first half of my day, but like any bad news that doesn't sink in until later, it eventually devolved into frustration.

So that was my morning. I hope someone out there at least finds it as mildly amusing as I did. At first.

R.I.P. Sara 'The Beef' Ast

Basically... be Don Draper.

Thanks again, Asenath.

"And he's like "Yeah! I'm the Guy!"'

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ooooooh Florida

This isn't one of those crazy "Kid kills whole family, feeds to crocodile, tries to hijack his school bus" Florida stories, but I think it has the same forehead-smack inducing effect.

We don't need no edumucation.

As if Florida education wasn't bad enough.

Monday, March 9, 2009

This explains everything...

Mike, you are my hero for finding this. Click on this bad boy to watch in the proper size at College Humor.

Imma Gunna Buy You... A Draaaank

Gotta love Cute With Chris. Especially when he nails Will's pick up lines like a pro.

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Dan The Terrible Boyfriend

This one goes out to John, who sent me this and told me it was very me. And he's right.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Dark Knight... by Pixar

Okay, I may be 10 years behind on this, but this is brilliant and I'm posting it anyway.


Nucking Futs

So other than staving off the negative influences of Will on the Blogosphere, I rarely take a moment to get too serious on here.

I remember when the Canadian Bus Beheading happened... and then never hearing about it again. Months later I tried to find a follow up and couldn't find anything then, either. Maybe I just can't google worth a damn but-

Here's a follow up-

and I gotta say... it's kinda infuriating. Maybe I'm just not sensitive to the plight of those with a (possible) mental disorder but... anyone else feel like Canada's dropping the ball here?

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Dan's Spoiler Free Watchmen Review

Keeping this spoiler free is pretty easy. I think the story works fine. I didn't really miss anything they took out. I thought the changes they made work to serve the story best as a film. There are minor things I would change. I agree with a review I read where they said they'd prefer Nixon removed and only seen on television.

What works?

Rorshach, of course. Totally badass. Hard not to love everything he does in this movie. The ultimate badass being ultimately badass. He has one line in a prison lunch line that literally had the audience cheering.

All the characters are well cast. There wasn't any point where I felt they weren't doing their character justice.

The fight sequences are solid and fun. I had reservations against Snyder's visual style, and while I'm still not sure a Watchmen movie should be this 'cool' and stylized, I think it actually works pretty well for this film.

Anytime the movie is being dark and gritty, it works. It feels right. It feels Watchmen. It doesn't shy away from violence, nudity, sex, gore, and hard-to-watch situations.

The moral grey area of the comic is intact. That was hugely important to me, as I felt losing that would betray the entire story.

What doesn't work?

Tonally, it's all over the place, and that was hard for me to deal with. Some scenes are very comic booky, almost goofy. Nixon plays like a charicature. This movie is far too aware that it's a comic book. It goes big and over the top in some scenes, then wants to be taken seriously when it gets down and dirty in others.

There are musc cues in here that are laugh-out-loud funny, and I'm not entirely convinced they weren't meant to be. It's almost like Snyder said 'well, no one will take this seriously, so I'll make it funny instead.' One scene in particular is played almost completely for comedy set to one of the funniest musical cues in the movie, and while I don't remember that scene in the comic being overly serious, the humor feels wrong here. Instead of it being inherently funny within the story, the scene and play as though Snyder himself is making the joke.

Am I biased because of the comic? Possibly, but I don't think I would have liked this scene in it's present form even if I hadn't read it.

It's a 'cue the music' movie.

Melodrama. Some dialog, particurlarly dialog between love interests, just feels cheesy, staged, lacking the weight they should probably have. Snyder knows how to stage action, but it seems he needs some work with actors. A score dips in at all the 'right' moments to try to illicit more emotion, but it's noticable. It adds to the odd tonal inconsistency.

It's a fun movie. I enjoyed it. At this point, it's hard to tell if it will have mass appeal outside of the comic's fans. Do I think it could have been better? Yeah, but I wasn't too disappointed, either.

I'm curious to see what others think once they've seen it.

Click on this awesome comic strip to read - Thanks Janet.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Important News

As our economy collapses, our war in Afghanistan ramps up, our war in Iraq rages on, our relations with North Korea remain tense... as our world crumbles... Thank God we have the media to keep it all in perspective.

This was in my 'Top News' section on Yahoo News today.

Way to keep your eye on the ball, guys.

Personally, I prefer Coke also.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Post Apocalypse Life Skills

I want to thank Will and The Onion for helping to make my point agaisnt Guitar Hero.

Cluck you guys.

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Cause, ya know... why not?

Admit it... it'd be kinda cool.
And this is just awesome.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Back To The Future's Alternate Ending

It's been said JJ wasn't a big Star Trek fan before taking on the new movie. Think this is along the lines of what he had in mind?

Thanks Josh.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Will Ain't So Bad

I'll admit it, I've been showing a lot of Will-Love on this blog lately. Well it's all for a good reason. He showed me a fabulous weekend including lunch in Ventura, dinner and a movie in Santa Barbara, a funny one-liner at TomScott's expense, and still managed to squeeze in time for me to work on his upcoming claymation short, which I'm sure will rock (no pressure, Will).

But what touched me most was Will cooking for me the next day:

Man after my own heart.

Keep it up, Tiger.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Rallying Support For Will

I know Will and I usually have our differences, but one thing I cannot abide is intolerance, most especially when it comes from a loved one:
Lets all take a moment today to let know we love and support him, even if he is a douche.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Some insight into Will's weekend

I hung out with Will for a good portion of the weekend. I'll probably talk more about that later, but for now, some insight into how things went for Will on the one night we didn't hang out:

Guess he's not all bad.

Have a good night, Stout.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Is Will Your Boss?

For those who work with Will, know that he's not allowed to treat you like that.

Thanks Tamara.

Wow. Just Wow.

And it gets better.

Thanks Brandi.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

More Brilliance

I found Will's other Blog.


Thanks for the help, Janet.

Pure Brilliance

Monday, February 9, 2009

Slate Fail

Love ya, Jesse.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Double-U Tee Eff

Glad I didn't take this one home.

She's all yours, Will.

Will Sherrod: Well traveled or hopeless romantic?

Like you, I've been curious about Will's true motives for his 'Totally Badass' spontaneous weekend traveling. At first I was a little worried, thinking "Maybe Will just IS kinda badass."

Fortunately, this clip came along and cleared all that nonsense up:

Watch Married To The Eiffel Tower [Part 1] | View More Free Videos Online at

So now I'm thinking Will's spontaneous weekend trips go something a little more like this:

Badass. I'm sure it was, Will. I'm sure it was...


Thanks again, Janet.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Whoa... Rad.

This is awesome. Thanks to Mike for sending it along.

I'm not a huge Star Wars fan, but my love of John Williams more than makes up for it.

Plus, as Mike pointed out, it's just impressive (as all Hell (I added the 'as all Hell' part myself)).

Check out this dudes Facebook Video.

A Little Brilliance For You...

...from a lovely lady here at the office.

Leave it to Lipton to bring class to something classless.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Something You Should Know...

I must sincerely applaud Will for his well crafted smear campaign. Clearly a lot of work went into that fine vlog. He has me at a bit of a disadvantage, being that I do not have access to a camera (or iSight), but this will not stop me from protecting you, dear followers. There's something you need to know about Will... something very important....

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

This Aggression Will Not Stand, Man...

If there's one thing I can't abide, it's bullying. I know I have become a threat to Will's blog and many of his followers are beginning to see the light and choosing to Chill With Dan Instead. But this doesn't sit well with Will and his mantra seems to be "If you can't beat 'em... beat your fans..."

You may remember mention of Lil' Colin 'Coco' Whitman from two posts ago. It appears Lil' Colin has a problem. Will doesn't like that Lil' Colin is a fan of Chill With Dan Instead and has decided to take matters into his own hands.

First of all, thank you Betsy and Peter. You're quite fantastic yourselves. Secondly, you'll note that Colin Whitman is a fan of me (Mr. Ast). It was met with this response from Will:

And as if threatening Lil' Colin wasn't enough, Will has brought along friends:

Here at Chill With Dan Instead, I will never bully my current or former fans. If you choose ChillWithWill as your path, I will accept that you have weighed your options heavily and chosen the less-Totally-Badass of the choices. But I will not ridicule you for it and I will certainly not threaten you.

I stand up for my fans and I say to you, Will, leave Lil' Coco alone, or you'll hear from me again. And I'm not some poor bastard who levels apple boxes when told. I can stand up for myself... and for Colin.

The Only Sensible Way To Live In This World Is Without Will's (Blog)

It's all part of the plan.

Will thinks he's a hero, swooping in to recap things you can find in high quality on Hulu only to give you the YouTube version of it.

Isn't that kinda like being cast in the Dark Knight and showing up with nipples on your bat suit? TOTALLY BADASS is about quality, Will. But I suppose this is more your style:

A quick aside, Will. Talk about one sided smear campaigns, why does the subject of yesterday's rebuttle look not-so-thrilled to be chilling with Will here?

Where's your hand, Will? And why the 'Get that camera outta here' look on your face?

It's time for you to take off that mask and show us all who you reaaally are.

Monday, February 2, 2009

The Revolution Has Begun

You had to know this was coming, Will. You can't abandon your fans for weeks on end and expect loyalty. Just see what lil' Coco Whitman has to say about Chill With Dan Instead:

And LLama LLovin' Kareem:

And Cuttin' J-Ro:

And the trump card, Mr. Dan Reed:

So there you have it, Will. I've gained approval from 4 people. Another 24 to 48 hours and I may have as many followers as you. Time to step up your game, my friend.

Now I'm going back to watching Groundhog Day. He saw his shadow. Prepare for another 6 weeks of winter, Will.

It's going to be long, cold... and bitter.